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Steel on the Inside, Steel on the Outside? (Or, "On getting a haircut screwed up")

Life is funny.

About 36 hours ago, I wrote "Steel on the Inside, Silk on the Outside."

I think most guys are afraid to do this – to wear light colors, to go to a spa, to being silly and lighthearted, these traditionally feminine things. I think most guys go out of their way to appear tough, rugged, macho. And you know why? I think it’s because most of ‘em are soft on the inside, scared, powerless, aimless.

My philosophy is be as strong as steel on the inside, and light and gentle like silk on the outside.

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Impatience and stressing

On Shut Up and Take My Hand

So so very impatient. So so very long I must wait.

For someone as impatient as me, even 2 minutes feels like eternity. So so very impatient. And recently I've found that I've seriously got to get better at waiting since now, I have to do it so much more than I used to, for far longer periods of time than I am accustomed to.

I get very restless when I wait, my mind is pretty crazy and it seems that I am only capable of focusing on one thing at a time, if there is something I'm thinking about, the rest of the world seems pale in comparison. Which ultimately means that if there is something stressing me out, that is all I can think of and even things I used to find enjoyable seem like a hassle.

Recently there's been a lot on my mind, I'm not stressed as such but just constantly nervous. You know that feeling where you can feel your stomach moving inside you and you start sweating and shaking a bit? Sometimes happens when you're going to talk to someone important, take an audition or give a speech to a large crowd? Its been like that for me constantly these past few days. Constantly feeling sick. Not just feeling it, being it. A number of times.

Yesterday I went out with a good friend of mine to watch Catching Fire, yay going out! With my friend and her little brother who is so sweet ^0^ But...urgh I've got a headache I feel really shit I don't know why but I want to cry. And despite being temporarily distracted by the movie, the things that have been worrying me keep pressing into my thoughts and drawing my attention back to them.

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