Hej Sebastian,

Thanks a lot for taking the time to ponder my question -- and for penning down an answer!

I don't believe in epiphanies, so I find your answer very useful. Especially stressing the importance of history, and I'll go through your list of people to look up to. Right now I'm reading Musashi, by Eiji Yoshikawa, a truly fantastic biography that I'm sure you're well aware of.

Also, a question within the question I think is where to draw a cut-off line between reaching success and not. For example, even though Alexander the Great's empire crumbled, he still reached great fame and victories. One group of people I would like to reach, are those who aimed high but didn't really get off -- who didn't even reach enough success to be turned into a great defeat.

Anyway, history. I'll pick my literature with care. Thanks a lot!

I'm a new reader of your blog and just wanted to say this is the type of thing I've been looking for - goal-oriented, inspiring, and all about self-improvement. Keep up the great work.

> Hej Sebastian, Thanks a lot for taking the time to ponder my question — and for penning down an answer!

Hej! My pleasure, thanks great question. Where are you in Sweden btw? I was in Stockholm in December '08... sometimes I slept late and missed the sun! But overall, a very very nice place. Good food, good people. Everyone there is really cool and friendly.

> I don’t believe in epiphanies, so I find your answer very useful. Especially stressing the importance of history, and I’ll go through your list of people to look up to. Right now I’m reading Musashi, by Eiji Yoshikawa, a truly fantastic biography that I’m sure you’re well aware of.

My favorite work of fiction actually. If you enjoy it, you might consider reading "Taiko" by the same author afterwards. It's more dry/historical, but still really good. It's about Hideyoshi Toyotomi's rise. Good story. It doesn't show the fall of the Toyotomi after the Korea invasion, though, which misses a huge point, but also pretty inspiring and teaching. Also Musashi's own book of tactics "The Book of Five Rings" is pretty good, and it's short too. It's the "Go Rin No Sho" in Japanese, there's many copies available free online if you Google it. It's worth reading, and short enough to get through in one sitting.

> Also, a question within the question I think is where to draw a cut-off line between reaching success and not. For example, even though Alexander the Great’s empire crumbled, he still reached great fame and victories. One group of people I would like to reach, are those who aimed high but didn’t really get off — who didn’t even reach enough success to be turned into a great defeat.

Alexander lost because he was over-expansive. I think that's the biggest flaw low born people make - trying to be over-expansive in their own life. It's important to achieve in your own life, but you also need to groom your son to take over. Compare Hideyoshi Toyotomi to Tokugawa Ieyasu. Hideyoshi unified Japan, but then immediately invaded Korea to try to conquer Korea and China. He only had one son at that point, and didn't spend much time preparing for the transition. He tried to do too much in one life. Eventually Ieyasu destroyed the Toyotomi clan and took over. After he conquered, he only ruled as Shogun for 3 years before retiring and putting his third son in charge. Thus, when he died 10 years later, his son had already been in charge for 10 years, and there was no transition. The Tokugawa ruled Japan for 250 years.

I think there's huge lessons in Sengoku. I'd find Alexander much more impressive if he'd stopped before running through Asia, and had firmly established his empire. Build forts, garrisons, courthouses, barracks, infrastructure, roads, messengers. Establish laws. Recruit and equip soldiers. Establish local governors. And most importantly, build out his family. Have a few children, arrange marriages for his daughters to top allies, establish his sons as wise and strong warriors and leaders (or adopt someone else as an heir if none of his own sons were fit to govern). What's the sense in building something and having it turn to dust? Alexander is a good story, but what his tangible legacy really? Stories and legends, yes, but he didn't want to have a great story, he wanted to build something amazing. And he failed, because he over-expanded, he didn't consolidate and strengthen his base, take care of his family. He could've established a dynasty, instead his bloodlines were completely eliminated when his son was assassinated 9 years after his death. In some ways, Ptolomy I was more impressive to me than Alexander:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ptolemy_I_Soter

(I have a high respect for loyalty, and I don't enough about Ptolemy to know if he was disloyal/treacherous, and what his duties should have been... but as far as being dynastic, he did a much better job than Alexander)

> Anyway, history. I’ll pick my literature with care. Thanks a lot!

Musashi is really great. I like "Titan" by Ron Chernow about John Rockefeller. Read the Wikipedia pages on the guys I liked, they're all pretty smart. If you like Japan, definitely read about Nobunaga, Hideyoshi, and Ieyasu - the three great unifiers. Nobunaga lost due partially to a fluke and partially to bad management, kind of a sad tragedy. Then read about the fighting among his generals, and how Hideyoshi emerged. Hideyoshi had already won. If he didn't invade Korea and had spent more time on his family, then the Toyotomi would've ruled Japan for the next 250 years. But he over-expanded and lost. This is the most important lesson for people low-born, I think. Don't try to do it all in one lifetime! There's too much to do. One of my sons will take up my work, House Marshall cannot be built by me alone. I'm already thinking and planning for my family. History is good. Great question, by the way, please feel very welcome to comment or question any time you like - thanks for the inspiration for the post.

> I’m a new reader of your blog and just wanted to say this is the type of thing I’ve been looking for – goal-oriented, inspiring, and all about self-improvement. Keep up the great work.

Awesome, I love getting feedback like this. Thanks Frank - please feel very welcome to comment/question on any post, I read 'em all. As you can see here, I do my best to answer thoughtful questions, so let me know if there's anything in particular you're wondering about that I can be of service on.

Hi Sebastian,
I have noticed you are also a fan of Zhuge-Liang, he is truly an important figure in Chinese history- a most skilled strategist of his time. But I wonder have you read the story of 3 kingdoms? It is just beautiful literature for generations to admire. Zhuge-Liang although is known for his wisdom, chose to be consultant for Liu Bei who is kind of a moron actually, a nice guy but believes in things that just way too unrealistic. The battle was going on for long times between two side of opposite ethics off course, but neither of them won. The guy who united the kingdoms is just simply some one who caught in the right time of history and understood the battle, he didn't even waste his army. The lesson we learn is rather painful of what you maybe a skilled strategist but chose to serve for a wrong side, history is gone another way but you are not in it.

My personal thinking, all extremist are wrong, because everything is relative. There is a time when every thought is right once. You know Steve Jobs right, the guy got kick out from Apple, he was hurt for sure- he invented Apple. But that failure was the key turning point for a big hit that we all knows what happen 'neXT'. Belief sometimes fail you but then loves save you. You can make as much calculation as you want but the results still can turn another way. Why? because we are all live in time that soon be history.

Also you said you want kids, it is important to have kids and so on... Great! I have kid too, it is awesome but I think to say kids are good and important is too personal view. Some great people have kids, some don't, and some great people have bad kids, it makes things even worse. You are talking too much about the system while keep forgetting about the oil. If you do write about this, I would love to know your opinion of what is the important factors to create successful family.
Alex

> Hi Sebastian, I have noticed you are also a fan of Zhuge-Liang, he is truly an important figure in Chinese history- a most skilled strategist of his time. But I wonder have you read the story of 3 kingdoms?

I haven't read Three Kingdoms yet, but it's on my list. I hear it's a great story. I'm familiar with some of the basic history and details. I actually like Cao Cao more than most people too ;)

> It is just beautiful literature for generations to admire. Zhuge-Liang although is known for his wisdom, chose to be consultant for Liu Bei who is kind of a moron actually, a nice guy but believes in things that just way too unrealistic.

That's the impression I get, but don't underestimate the importance of a charismatic leader. Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill were only so-so strategists, but great at inspiring and motivating their troops. Both of them arguably mis-handled large amounts of the Civil War and WWII respectively, but they kept their officers and soldiers feeling like they were on the side of virtue, and they would win out in the end, and they did. It's common enough to have a great strategist work for a great motivator/inspirer - that wouldn't bother me. A strategist should be more knowledgeable about strategy than the person he works for - the strategist devotes himself full time to strategy, whereas the high commander has to manage strategy, personnel, recruiting, motivation, and lots of other details.

> The battle was going on for long times between two side of opposite ethics off course, but neither of them won. The guy who united the kingdoms is just simply some one who caught in the right time of history and understood the battle, he didn’t even waste his army. The lesson we learn is rather painful of what you maybe a skilled strategist but chose to serve for a wrong side, history is gone another way but you are not in it.

This is a good point. For the record, I think maneuvering yourself into the right place at the right time is underrated. You know who I think could have taken over Japan if things had gone differently, that no one talks about as a candidate to do so? Date Masamune, founder of Sendai. Masamune was strong and prepared enough to take over if things had gone differently, but the opportunity never came up. If some disaster happened and the Tokugawa fell, the Date clan might have unified Japan, and people would have called it luck. Nuh-uh, no way. Date Masamune maneuvered himself into a position to take over and unify if the opportunity came up. It didn't come up, but it *could* have, y'know? I respect that. All you can do is put yourself in the right positions and develop yourself the right way. Beyond that things are outside your control.

> My personal thinking, all extremist are wrong, because everything is relative. There is a time when every thought is right once. You know Steve Jobs right, the guy got kick out from Apple, he was hurt for sure- he invented Apple. But that failure was the key turning point for a big hit that we all knows what happen ‘neXT’. Belief sometimes fail you but then loves save you. You can make as much calculation as you want but the results still can turn another way. Why? because we are all live in time that soon be history.

Indeed. If talking about Japan, I'd point to Ishida Mitsunari. Things could have certainly gone a different way for him, he could have been one of the most loyal and respected regent-guardians of all time. Instead, he lost at Sekigahara (largely due to his coarse attitude and overly strict behavior in the Korean Invasion, which turned off a number of Toyotomi generals and caused them to defect) - and then he was executed. But, he did all he could with his personality, and Sekigahara was by no means decided. At some point, it's out of your hands. I don't like that, but it is true.

> Also you said you want kids, it is important to have kids and so on… Great! I have kid too,

Congratulations :)

> it is awesome but I think to say kids are good and important is too personal view. Some great people have kids, some don’t, and some great people have bad kids, it makes things even worse.

Yes, this is true. Marcus Aurellius of Rome had Commodus as a son, for instance. I'm well aware of this problem, I've studied it actually.

> You are talking too much about the system while keep forgetting about the oil. If you do write about this, I would love to know your opinion of what is the important factors to create successful family. Alex

I'll write a full post on my thoughts sometime, but I think the main three factors for raising good kids are, in order:

1. Teach your kids
2. Play with your kids
3. Feed your kids

First and foremost comes teaching and lessons. I think this is the most important duty of a parent, to instill good ethics, purpose, lessons, and capability in the children, from a young age.

Second, I believe playing with the kids and bonding with them, having some fun is the second most important thing.

I think "feed your kids" thirdly, meaning food and shelter, is the last priority. Mind you, you need to provide the basic necessities, but I think a lot of fathers get this exactly backwards. They spend most of their time making money to feed/clothe/shelter the kids, a little time playing, and not enough time at all teaching.

I'm the opposite. I think providing full and money is important, to a point, but lessons are much more important. Playing comes second. Providing beyond the necessities comes third. I intend to start my kids into intense lessons from age 3, to get them to start working around age 12, and for them to be emancipated from the home around age 16 if they wish it.

We keep kids too young too long. People used to be officers in the army as teenagers, and have full coming of age sometime between 12 and 16 - that's what the bar mitzvah and the Japanese coming of age ceremonies were about - adulthood at age 12. Now, we live longer, so you could stay a kid younger, but is anyone actually analyzing whether this is good for kids? I think not, I think one of the reasons of teenage angst and now 20 year old's angst is that they're treated as children when they should be starting to learn, grow, and do skilled things. So I plan to train and emancipate my kids earlier than most people.

I want my kids comfortable with rejection, selling, negotiation, persistence, creating, and defining their own objectives from a young age. Show them the basics of adding value and creating things, selling, hustling, persisting, getting rejected and sucking it up, building things, experimenting, creating. Schools these days focus on memorization and obedience, which makes sense for someone who'll pull levers in a factory, but absolutely doesn't make sense any more. I'll probably take my kids out of mainstream school around age 12, that's when the lessons cross from bad to worse. I'll probably have the kids tutored in reading/writing, mathematics, and maybe science from that age, but I'll basically allow them to self-study in history, economics, governance, and those topics. Schools do such a miserably horrible job teaching them.

Of course, this can lead to social isolation, which needs to be dealt with, so they'll need to be part of some club or organization to be around people their age. There's lots of details, I spend lots of time thinking about and researching this. I'll get around to writing a full post sooner or later, but those are some of my initial thoughts. I plan on having each child start learning a third language, a musical instrument, and a sport at age 3 - this means whatever appeals to them, they'll have a good foundation from a very young age.

Any of those thoughts helpful? What are your experiences parenting and plans so far? This is a topic I'm particularly interested in.

Sebastian, you read a lot I must say, that is really really good! And you are right, we should never under estimate the charismatic of a leader. Some guys are just really good at getting good people to work for him, but we only can judge of what have been done, and historical analyses does shows that if Zhuge-Liang was the consultant for the opposite side who is kind of a bastard , the deal would be sorted ways before and as the result a lot a lot of soldiers would not be wasted. But we are human, a complex figure of emotion and intellectual, we can not calculate as far. Therefore strategy is relative in its own right.

About the parenting skills :), I don't have such a high ambition as yours to build a dynasty :) :) My family scale is much smaller. I have a son and he is 2 now. I met my partner and it changed my life. Now I can tell you for sure, without an amazing women in your life, the idea of having kids and strong family are just nonsense. You can think of many good education systems, but as I said before it still could turn another way. Then you would be very surprised !!! The principal of ''feeding, playing, teaching'' are fine, it is kind of a must. But to build a good family, you really got to look at it as a whole. Every person in this world is made out of different stuffs, and I really believe the good parent are the one who can forget about the system sometimes but really try to understand what is their child made of. Please don't force kids, it is very bad ideal. Let them grow in the most nature way. At the same time, be strict and be an adult-tell them stuffs that they don't know. Every good creation is an art that you must apply different principals. It is like a painting, you got to work on it everyday, be skillful, sensitive, patient although you may never really know the outcome.
Hope this is useful!

Alex

> Hope this is useful!

It is indeed! Thank you Alex, that was a very nice comment. Congratulations again on your 2 year old boy, he must be absolutely a joy :) :)

Thanks for the nice feedback and lessons. Best wishes to you and your family.

Thanks for the reply as well! Just as useful as the post.

I'm originally from Lund, in the south of Sweden. But I studied in Gothenburg (the second largest city), and recently stayed in Stockholm for work (which is, in fact, the best part of Sweden). Glad you liked it too!

Question for next time is how to deal with the realization that one life-time is not enough.

> Question for next time is how to deal with the realization that one life-time is not enough.

I know what you mean. On my part, I think it's a mix of having kids and trying to lead a healthy, long life with lots of energy. I think if you raise children right and have enough children, you'll have one or two that can continue on your work. You don't want to push children against their temperament too much, so that's where having a lot comes in - so you have at least one with similar ethics who'll follow you in your line of work. I don't care what my kids will do, anything is fine, but I'd like at least one son who is like me.

Then I try to prepare to live as long as possible. There are no guarantees, but exercising, eating well, controlling sleep, and other good general health things means more time. I'm tentatively aiming to live to 110 years old and doing research on all the systems of the body - respiration, circulation, digestion, lymph, nervous system, immune system, bones and joints, muscles, etc. Trying to keep them all individually and cohesively in good shape - that's no guarantee, but it's something worth working towards.