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Steel on the Inside, Silk on the Outside

Two days ago I took a very hot bath. The place I'm staying has a large bathtub, and I sunk slowly into the scalding hot water, and thought. My mind moved this way and that way, drifting around, and I had some good ideas. I opened my eyes and got down to the details of the bath itself.

I scrubbed the dead skin off hard with soap, got out, dried off, and put on lotion, as described in "adding good skin at age 100 to goals."

This is not uncommon for me. I wrote in "Daydreaming" that my mind was wrecked, so I went to get a massage at a spa with essential oils, and then drank green tea and ate ginger.

I'm wearing light colors - sky blue, white, purple are among my favorite. I'll wear silks and cotton. I believe in being polite, friendly, maybe even a little lighthearted when with people most of the time. I don't take myself too seriously.

I think most guys are afraid to do this - to wear light colors, to go to a spa, to being silly and lighthearted, these traditionally feminine things. I think most guys go out of their way to appear tough, rugged, macho. And you know why? I think it's because most of 'em are soft on the inside, scared, powerless, aimless.

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Gordon's Gay History, Part 3:

With my bowl-cut hair style and scawny little body, I was once a little boy-- a burgeoning gay, if you will. However, I really was not like other boys.  My older brother went bananas over GI Joe and action figure toys.  He loved going to his Boyscout camps while I found the prospect of tying ropes over and over gain to be just plain tedious.  In a very natural and innocent way, I gravitated to my older sister's barbie dolls.  I would sneek into her room when the house was empty and play with them to my heart's content.  (Comb their hair, mix and match their outfits, throw them around the room, whatever.)

Iconic male figures like Superman didn't appeal to me in a role model sense.  I remember thinking that his red underwear thingy was just a bit much.  Nothing ever really grabbed my attention outside of very girly, feminine things.

At home, my parents had full decision-making powers when it came to what music would be blaring on the stereo.  Elvis, The Beatles, and ABBA were always on repeat.  These were titans from a different era long before I was born.  I did not yet have the awareness of how powerful the medium of music would be.

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