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Steel on the Inside, Silk on the Outside

Two days ago I took a very hot bath. The place I'm staying has a large bathtub, and I sunk slowly into the scalding hot water, and thought. My mind moved this way and that way, drifting around, and I had some good ideas. I opened my eyes and got down to the details of the bath itself.

I scrubbed the dead skin off hard with soap, got out, dried off, and put on lotion, as described in "adding good skin at age 100 to goals."

This is not uncommon for me. I wrote in "Daydreaming" that my mind was wrecked, so I went to get a massage at a spa with essential oils, and then drank green tea and ate ginger.

I'm wearing light colors - sky blue, white, purple are among my favorite. I'll wear silks and cotton. I believe in being polite, friendly, maybe even a little lighthearted when with people most of the time. I don't take myself too seriously.

I think most guys are afraid to do this - to wear light colors, to go to a spa, to being silly and lighthearted, these traditionally feminine things. I think most guys go out of their way to appear tough, rugged, macho. And you know why? I think it's because most of 'em are soft on the inside, scared, powerless, aimless.

This is me

On Looking at her hurts a bit

Since I have no reason what I'm actually gonna type here I decided to just go with this title. It sucks, I know.

Well okay I guess I'm just going to tell a little bit about myself.

- My name is Emma but you can call me Em or whatever you like. Be creative. I dare you.- I'm 19 years old- I'm studying International Media and Entertainment management but after this I want to do my masters in something related to screenwriting.- No I don't actually know what I'm going to do with my life- I'm more of a live in the moment kind of girl. I'll see what life brings to me. (doesn't mean I don't dream about my future though)- English is not my first language (apologies in advance for any annoying mistakes I'm probably going to make)- I love to write. - I'm slightly addicted to television shows and partying.- I'm currently in love with a girl and I have no idea what to do about that.

I get that you want to know more about me and this girl. Well.. let's just say I found out that I was bi last year when I suddenly had a crush on a friend of mine. Okay this totally sucked just so you know. I guess it's always been there I just never realized. Eventually we all got drunk and I told her and urgh it was pretty fucked up but we stayed friends. I think we're pretty good now, as far as possible of course.

Time went by, I kissed some guys (made some mistakes blabla you know it), and well... nothing really happened. I haven't told anyone beside a friend of mine who lives in England and well obviously that girl I had a crush on. My parents sort of know but the last time I tried to bring it up to my mom she got really mad and said it was just a phase. I don't want to make you think that she's a homophobic or something because she's not. She just doesn't really realize that I might be serious about this.

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