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The Rare Occasion That Passive Aggression is Called For

It's like I'm not in a cafe any more, but rather receiving a diplomatic corps from a nation I'm at war with. The woman has a "stern and serious fucking business" look on her face, and another waitress is standing alongside her right flank with arms crossed.

I shake my head and try to wave them off, doing the universal "I'm on the phone" gesture, holding up a thumb and pinky finger.

She starts speaking anyways. She's loud and insistent.

"Hold on, Marcus."

I take my headset off. "Yes?"

Early On a Sunday Morning

On Where Pianos Roam

I had a little epiphany a couple of days ago while getting ready for my Cafe Coco show on Friday night. The question "Why do I do this?" popped up in my head.  By "this", I mean why am I in the music business--dealing with all the work promoting shows, scheduling practices, booking, website upkeep, practice time, lugging all of my heavy equipment everywhere, and all the little things in between.  It's a mountain of work particularly for a solo artist such as myself. Well, the answer, as it turns out, is the simple fact that I love performing music.  Especially now, after years of overcoming stage fright and figuring out who I am as an artist, I've reached this place where I LOVE LOVE LOVE performing on stage.  Something comes over me, and I'm not the same person that I am off the stage and the rest of the time. It almost feels magical.  I walk on stage.  I sit at my keyboard and this feeling of strength washes over me.  Inevitably, I still get a little nervous, but to me, this is perfectly natural now. Maybe this is what it means to be fully alive.  All of your senses are elevated to a sensitivity rarely achieved.  Your heart is on  your sleeve, and you're giving 200% of  your emotions and yourself. I've often felt that my music is more emotionally driven than anything else.  Whether a song is compelled by a feeling of longing, anger, sadness, loneliness, and even happiness (heaven forbid), I try my best to convey the emotion first before anything.  I guess this is why I get so exhausted after a show.  Not only am I playing like crazy, I'm putting all of my emotion into it as well. So, yes, I love this.  I love all of this.  My objective is not to be rich and famous (though I wouldn't resist it if it ever came along).    I want to create music that I am proud of and to  perform it passionately. I was glad to have this epiphany for my show on Friday night.  It made the experience more joyous and meaningful. Appropriately enough, I started off the set with a song of mine called "This Is Love".  It was fitting and proper for the occasion. This is love indeed. -g0rdon

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