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Clean a Clean Toilet

True story.

I was having sushi with an acquaintance in San Francisco.

Very cool guy - Google engineer, very cultured, very smart on lots of topics.

One thing came up that was fascinating to me - he did an almost-silent Zen retreat for quite a while, like a month or two. I don't remember the exact details, but I think they only spoke for 10 minutes per day, or if the Zen master spoke to them? Something like that.

Anyways, he told me that it was all surprisingly mundane at first. No huge breakthroughs, just sitting meditating, and doing lots of chores. The first thing they did every morning was to clean the temple, including the bathrooms.

Praising God in the desert

On Garden

This life that comes to be so incredibly crippling. The hollowness that sears.

We know we are all terrible sinners. The wretched labour of being just yourself, culmination of pains and scars and mistakes that corrode your soul. The only hope you have that Christ would save your wretchedness, your broken mind and body.

The Christian walks in love, brings glory to God in his service. Yet the inner furnace is so consuming it leaves no room for anything, for anyone. So well i know how short I have fallen, paralysed by my sins. I call out to God, to fill up the gaps in my soul, to have even a small taste of His glory, that might be enough for me to walk the rest of my life to serve Him.

"I tarried there in the ageless time of that land where days bring healing not decay"

Every single day is a hope that Jesus returns. Yet in this time before he returns, the pain so great, the shame of disappointing him, so unbearable.

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