One of the problems a lot of people have is that they don't fail enough. At this point, for me, I seen to have crossed some threshold where additional unintentional errors and mistakes isn't bother me. I'm on the edge of so many things I'm trying to learn that I'm finding myself confused or making errors that were obvious in retrospect fairly often.
And you know what? It's not so bad.
Some errors are embarrassing, some are ridiculous, some are obvious in hindsight. But a lot of things are falling into place too. I still don't like making mistakes, and give the biggest effort I can - but often my biggest, focused effort isn't good enough when I'm pushing the envelope.
But you know what? It's like, not much has changed. My life is the same life I had last month, except now I'm making more errors, and I'm also accomplishing a lot more stuff.
Maybe people don't do this because they make one error, and it kind of shocks them out of normal life. It gets easier. I keep trying to write down six things at the end of every day to do the next day, and then not doing them all the next day. But I'm doing a hell of a lot more than I was. Eventually I'll start going for 6 for 6 frequently.
I'm trying to do some really tricky stuff with my new business where most people in the business have 20+ years of experience, which I obviously don't have. I keep making errors. I mean, I'm not trying to, but there's lots of things to figure out. It's ok though, I'm learning a ton. I kind of dig it. The failure is less making me cringe and more making me shake my head and roll my eyes at myself. It's pretty good.
I'm pushing the boundaries on my writing, getting lots of feedback from people. Trying to find the right mix of entertaining, thought provoking, connecting with people, slightly provocative, not too offensive, etc. Hard mix to find. Before I would write too timid, boring, safe. It's gotten a lot more entertaining, but I'm making more mistakes too. But it's not so bad. Maybe it's even good in a way. I kind of almost dig it, all the errors are helping me figure out where the line is. I think most people are miles away from the line their whole life.
When's the last time you tried something, gave it your best effort, and it fell apart? If it was happening more often, would you also be succeeding more? What do you really lose when things go wrong? Pride? Your will's pretty strong, though, right? You'd survive if you made a screwup, yes? I'm thinking - fail more. It's not so bad. Succeed more too. Succeeding is good.
I don't like making mistakes. In fact, I think I dislike it more than most people.
Yet, in any discipline that includes new and novel and pioneering things, mistakes must be made. This is not a good thing, per se. But it's not a bad thing either. It's just a thing.
Embarrassment is something else entirely. The vast majority of mistakes won't be noticed by anyone else, but embarrassment is when you do something that you don't like how it reflects on you to other people.
While most mistakes can be fixed and then mostly shrugged off, I think embarrassment cuts people much deeper. In fact, I've heard plenty of anecdotes of a person getting embarrassed the first time they tried to do something, and then not trying again for a few years. Or quitting entirely, even.
Tonight's my last night in Manchester before I head back to my Mum's for a week and then off to KL. After my flatmates Birthday party last night (which involved discovering the coffee table can stand the weight of three adults dancing) I am feeling decidedly delicate. The gorgeous girls from downstairs are making some dinner and then we are all heading out. Can't wait for it but still haven't packed or finished half the work I was supposed too, oh well priorities, priorities!
In an effort to feel I have achieved something today (I don't think eating three pasties in one sitting counts) I am planning to go snap happy tonight to brighten up my blog with some pictures of my actual life rather then spending twenty minutes on google images trying to find something I like the look of.
It's been a rollercoaster week, lots of going out and saying goodbye to old friends. I even managed to fit in a trip to the Seaside (again no pictures) to see some friends from Uni. One thing it has reinforced is making sure that I look after some of the amazing people I have meet along the way. Those who know me know I am 'hook, line and sinker' about most things and pretty impulsive as well. Along with my many bad qualities (snoring, loud voice, scattyness) I always try and counteract this by making sure that I never do anything to hurt other people. I have not been an angel in the past but I can not abide people who unneccesarily pratronise other people. Its a easy to do thing, and a throwaway comment can really affect someone. Good comments are great though. I still remember someone telling me I had 'nice eyebrows' (not the best compliment ever but one nonetheless.) Unfortunately I also remember being told I would never amount to anything (an old boss who was very successful in the career I wanted to pursue) and that I was just 'one of those girls that is only ever a mate'. I imagine if this is relayed to the people that told me these things that the probably can't even remember saying it, maybe the might even apologise, or explain that actually they were telling my I had 'nice know how'.
I suppose this post has turned into an open letter to anyone I may have upset with a throwaway comment deliberate or otherwise. I'm devious but not dishonest. However I only ever give compliments when they are due - and I have taken the time in the last few years to make sure I do - they mean so much more and it makes me feel good knowing that something I have said may stick with you.
It's affected my twitter feed as well - I'm trying to cut down on to much uncessary crap, 'OMG hungover.com' , 'watching Xfactor with a cup of tea and choccies, bliss'.... you know the score. And anyway Jesus had 12 followers, I have more.