This was utterly magnificent. Wow.
I just finished week one of my [big goals] project. ... But, the results were weaker than I expected. I'd say I accomplished approximately 30% of what I intended to last week.
Ok, so, why then? Were the goals too hard? Maybe a little, but I certainly COULD have done much better. They were challenging, but not in skill or time or even unpleasantness, but rather in willpower and self control and creativity. I was aware of the goals every day, and the goal of updating the spreadsheet before bed received a 70% score, one of the highest of all. The goals were not arbitrary, meaningless challenges imposed on me by a self help guru or game designer, but meaningful to the goals of my life. And yet...
I've been there. So often, I've been there. Author goes on some, and...
I started this website because I wanted a place where I could write and publish without having to worry how it would effect my personal life. Does that even make sense? I was explaining to a friend how hard I find it, to sit down and create something and send it off into the world. He is a writer, an established sports blogger and currently writing a book and a screenplay based on characters from his own life, so he knew all about what I was talking about. But he drew me to an interesting conclusion. Was I really afraid that I would write something bad? Bad writing abounds everywhere, nobody cares about it, and nothing I write is evil or profane enough that I need to hide it for those reasons.
No, my real fear is success. What if I accidentally write something really good and insightful? People are going to expect that same level of quality every time. I am going to have to defend my opinion in public, talk about it at parties, or god forbid I become an expert. People will think I know all kinds of things that I don't, and I won't be able to get anything real done.
And this - this following observation is so accurate:
People really get upset at emerging greatness. I used to think it was because they themselves were incapable of becoming great. But these days I think, instead, it is the shell that protects them from having to become great. By looking down on greatness, claiming that great goals and ambitions are impractical or naive or even selfish and egomaniacal, they are simultaneously building walls against their own failure to achieve.
Just... just go read the whole post. Very honest, powerful self-reflection. If you like my stuff, I reckon you'll like this piece a lot.