"...the Search is a lot scarier than we usually care to acknowledge. And this arises, ironically, from the success of Western Democracies, those with the capital "W" and capital "D." They have provided too much choice for younger citizens. Nobody but an idiot would deny this is a good thing -- even a wonderful thing. But choices are confusing. They take time to consider, to sample, spit out and reject. And too many of them provide a ready-made excuse for procrastination and shilly-shallying.
Not to mention fantasizing. It came as a shock to me to read in The Week that 20 percent of British teenagers in school claim they would abandon their education if they could just get themselves on television. In any capacity whatever. Just to be a "celebrity." Which probably explains the queues clamoring to be humuliated on "reality TV," a modern equivalent to ancient Rome's gladiator circuses. That is, it came as a shock until I remembered my own certainty at seventeen that I would knock the Rolling Stones flat on their ass.
All of us have our dreams. And these are not to be despised or mocked. They are a part of us, whatever they are."
-- From How To Get Rich (which is excellent)
I've always liked this quote from the same book:
“I never knew worse few months than when I was bashing my head against a brick wall attempting to start my own outfit in the early 1970s. The whole process was pure misery. Looking back through the prismed eyes of a champagne flute, I suppose I could argue that perhaps it was my finest moment. Not that it felt like it at the time. To be honest, it nearly broke me. But I would not give in.”
Derek Sivers is holding a one-time class to teach you the "magic touch" in business, with examples, war stories, and lessons you can apply right now to do better by your customers and profit as a result of it -- and all the proceeds will go to charity.
The class will be on February 19th at 5PM California time (8PM East Coast). You can find out more at GiveGetWin by clicking here.
The Mentality Behind the Magic Touch; Derek Sivers interviewed by Chiara Cokieng
Derek Sivers sold CDBaby for $22 million dollars in 2008. In this interview, he explains what he's been doing now, how he's engaged with his new projects, and -- most excitingly for business owners and entrepreneurs -- the mentality behind the "magic touch" he had that made CDBaby so loved by its customers, and a huge part of how it grew so quickly. Here's Derek --
In 2008, when I sold CDBaby, I was about to start a new company immediately. Literally the day after I sold CDBaby, I was ready to start my next company. I incorporated it, I started programming, got a few months into building it, and then realized that if I were to do that, I wouldn’t be making any real change in my life.
In close relationships we all want to be seen, to be understood, to be accepted and loved for who we really are. We don’t want to have to wear the mask, walk on eggshells, twist the truth or withhold information to make things run “smoothly”. I want to be my authentic self and be loved for it. This is true intimacy. This is the heart connection that takes a relationship to the next level.
The trouble is that the path to intimacy is often littered with roadblocks made of fear. We are afraid that when we reveal our true selves, we might not be accepted. We fear that if he/she knew what I’m really thinking, if they knew what was buried way down deep, the relationship might not survive. And this is scary territory to explore! The Ben and I have what I consider a really solid relationship. (I would hope so, because I married the guy…right??) But a good marriage doesn’t magically just happen when you say “I do”, it’s something you work at, and continue to build on in order to grow and develop both as partners and as individuals.
Recently, the Ben and I have been working on improving open communication and he introduced me to an idea that I want to share with you. It’s an exercise designed to increase intimacy and it starts with a question – “What’s the One Thing You’re Not Saying?”
Think about your husband, wife, girlfriend/boyfriend, best friend, mother/father, etc. What aren’t you talking about? There! Did you feel it? That nagging sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach the minute I asked that question? Did a thought swim across your consciousness and you dismissed it or pushed it back down for being too controversial, too potentially harmful, or too difficult to bring up? THAT! Now we’re on to something. What is that thing you’re not talking about….Are you worried about their health? Is the sex not working for you? Do you not agree with how they are managing their finances? Are you worried they’re not attracted to you anymore? Do you disagree on how to discipline your children? Do you have an issue with their family? If something pops into your head when considering the question, then you definitely have a topic worth sharing that could deepen the relationship if communicated effectively. Remember intimacy is about being close to your partner, it’s about being able to let your guard down and let them know how you really feel.
The Ben came to me with the idea of sharing “One Thing” and I was open to it. And I think to have an effective conversation like this; both sides need to at least agree to the concept up front so as not to shut down when the difficult subject is broached. Because, let’s be honest, this could be incendiary stuff. It could just as easily blow up in your face as bring you together, depending on how the whole thing is handled. Once the concept is agreed to, I’d try and come at this from a love-centered approach which would maximize the possibility for an okay outcome. This worked for us. I suggest four things in the initial conversation: