A few years back, I was getting complacent. I was a successful entrepreneur, in the top 1% for my age. Whenever I compared myself to people similar to me, it wasn't even close. I worked more, accomplished more, produced more, did more meaningful things, was traveling the world. I read more books, did more writing, was generally healthier and more disciplined, spent my time well. I was the top 1% for my age, and even better than that if you measured me against people from similar backgrounds.
I think it's easy for people who are doing great to get complacent. You look at the general sloth and laziness and complacency of most people, you see that you're achieving greatly, and you feel like you're so far above that. You give yourself a pat on the back. "Ah, yes, I'm doing great!"
I had a shift. I don't remember the exact day, but one day I thought to myself -
"I'm not going to compare myself against people my age any more. I'm going to start comparing myself to the greatest men of all time."
On The Relieved Crab
18 years of age since last June, to European standards I'm a ........man! I remember at a play rehersal a friend of mine who's 16.5 years of age, said with an envious tone, 'Your so lucky man, you can drive, drink, have sex, anything'. That 'anything' ringed in my head constantly throughout the rehersal, perhaps it explained why was I told by the director to get the f++k off the stage, which to my fright lurched me out of my dream stance. To the typical person, one would smile tinkle his fingers and do an 'menacing' sort of laugh as he plans for world domination [ok maybe a Mr. Burns type character woukld do that].
Not me though, to be honest I was terrified. Now was the time to start planning my life, no longer were the care-free days of messing about nor the exciting [even deluded] visions of our future lives as adults ....Well I'm one now and I look with shattered, heart-broken disappointment in the mirror as I appear to me the same person as I was at 15. At the age I envisioned I would a goatee beard, bulging biceps, pearl-white teeth, drivers license, straight A grades, had at least one girlfriend, to act, sing and write very well. But no as I see it i'm wasn't the multi- talented hunk about to embark to the realm of teenage stardom. The only thing racing through my mind was......have I wasted my teenage years day-dreaming about the 'perfect life' and the 'perfect' man to suddenly arrive on my doorsteps from the gates of heaven. That I was 'special', the 'chosen one', the.... nooooooooo !!!!
Well I guess i don't have everything for me as I thought I had. it's so easy sitting in a classroom thinking of all these amazing your going to do, neglecting your studies- which are pretty much your only way to a cog in this giant machine called Earth. School, classrooms, teachers, hallways, those were my only world for almost 13 years, so how was I supopose the 'real' world 'outside' the bubble, and without that world how was I supposed to know my own capilities? If all I've really done was sit in class, staring blankly at a chapter about ...the formation of brown earth soils [for example] doing my homework and just being a 'kid'.
Okay that last paragraph was a tiny bit off track, but don't we all do that at times. it shows the unpredictibility of our minds. So if I was able to produce that without knowing before hand, who knows what i could produce if I got overcome the doubts, the fears, the worries, the anxieties [those f++king voices that haunt us all] of trying new things.
To the point of this post, i'm at a point in my life where I need to start making the 'right' decisions to my future path. I've been doing so much research on college courses and anything, but the bottom line is that I don't what to end up as the typical, everyday-joe at the office from 9-5. I promised myself at 14 that become a part of the 'masses;, but now I realize why most of us do. Should take the risky path of the performing arts [which I don't know if I have a true 'passion' for it] or just pick a course that 'interests' me and see where I lead to?