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Observations on Large Productivity (Week One Review)

Slightly over a week ago, I committed to having the most productive 90 days of my life -- and sharing it all with you publicly. I wanted to make huge advances in my core projects, some large personal gains, and -- crucially -- I wanted to come out of this cycle feeling the strongest and healthiest of my life. So, more production than ever before, and being alive, engaged, and energized at the end of it instead of burnt out.

What's happening after one week?

Well, there's good and back. First, there's a strange "I'm being watched!" feeling which slightly increases neurosis/anxiety... and accountability. That's been the most unexpected thing -- a feeling of, "Is this an activity I'd want to own doing publicly with my time, after making a big massive commitment?"

I don't like or dislike it, per se. It's a bit odd. Actually, ok, I like it. (Most of the time!)

What else?

'Today is only one day'

On Shut Up and Take My Hand

Before I start, I should warn any readers that this post is probably going to be a bit all over the place. Or not. I don't exactly know since that's just it - I don't exactly know. What I'm going to write I mean, I don't know what I'm going to write.

'Today is only one day'...a phrase I tell myself quite often. Whenever I have a bad day, or something happens - an argument, a moment of distance, a day without seeing someone I wanted to see. Its only one day, that's all. And I've lived so many days (5290 to be exact) and have a lot left to live, even today was a completely shitty day...its only one day.

In fact, even if I have a totally shitty week...well...that's just all it is. A shitty week. Doesn't define me or my life, just a little dip that I probably wont even remember in a few weeks time.

Its this constant thought that allows me to even bother with things. Whether that's a relationship with someone, a class in school I'm flunking, some drama with my friends, its just by playing down the trouble at hand that I manage to convince myself to try again tomorrow. Or better yet, to wake up with a more awake, new, less depressed take on the situation the next day.

Of course I'm not saying this always helps, my mind seems to find it very easily to twist my words against me or quietly whisper back my fears and worries in response to me trying to smile. Which can sometimes get to me, constantly being told a lie will allow you to believe that lie. However constantly being told you're only lying to yourself will make you distrust everything you say.

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