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My Spending Over the Last 8 Days

Three weeks ago I added cash numbers to my weekly review. What I'd make actively, passively, spend. Two weeks ago the line on my review read:

What'd I spend this week? Not sure. Figure out expenses next week

This week it looks like this*:

What'd I spend this week?

Expenses: July 18: room $32, food $12, coffee $4 July 19: room $15, food $10, coffee $4, transit $2 [groceries $18, vitamins $66] July 20: room $15, food $0, no other expenses July 21: room $15, food $12 coffee $4 [groceries $3] July 22: room $15, food $0, no other expenses July 23: room $15, food $0, no other expenses July 24: room $15, food $0, no other expenses July 25: room $22, food $12, coffee $7 [groceries $13 - but bought at convenience store, and had to throw away two things I bought because pork was in it] 26 room $15, food $0 Total: room $144 ($18/day), food $46, coffee $19, groceries $31, transit $2 -> I also bought vitamins for $66, but that's a long term expense over the next two months, not an expense for just this week.

The Struggle

On The Best of Sett

Sometimes the momentum of life begins to swing against you and your dreams. It's not that failure has gotten the best of you yet. But the momentum of your struggle has turned. For me there are a number of factors. I've been tired lately. I'm showing signs of burning out but not for all the right reasons. I'm struggling with a few health factors, and some personal factors that agitate the health factors.

For me sometimes not having family really affects me. I spend hours pondering what they are doing, and the WHY of my life. Reflecting on the pain, and the scars. It begins to effect my work, my motivation, and all factors of my life. I went to a counselor a few times this month. I joined an online support group about living life without a family. What's interesting is I don't have the answers. And neither did the counselor.

There's no magic solution. This happens to me nearly every year. Sometimes it lasts for a few weeks, other times for months.

Sometimes I'm so scared to lose people in my life that I push them away so I don't have to deal with this pain. Because many times in my life when I've opened my heart I ended up losing the people I loved the most.

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