Note from Matt Aaron: Easier said than done due to the chemicals in our brain, but well worth the reward...
"Remember that a man, a true man, never hates. His rages and his bad moods never last beyond the present moment-like electric shocks." --Napoleon Bonaparte
You've hated before, right?
C'mon now, don't be shy. Of course you have.
Everyone gets angry at times, even furious. The problem with letting it devolve into lasting hate is that it twists your perception. When you hate, you lose sight of the virtues and counterbalancing points of the other side.
This could mean you fail to bridge a gap or heal a rift when the opportunity comes to do so. Or, even if you stay adversaries, hatred means you'll tend to miss important evolutions in character and methods of your adversary, whether that be a person or an organization.
Hate means you keep fighting long-past whatever cause you had fought for, long past whatever interest you stood to gain, long after principle has eroded away from your side and you've instead fallen into the wrong.
Hate? Hate is worth discarding. Even for people who are legitimately and truly bad by your ethical standards, or perhaps even by universal standards. Hate makes you stood, hate takes you off your game, hate alienates the very most talented and dedicated people you could connect with, hate fills your own body with toxins and stress hormones that lead to less joy and less thriving in life... and thus, hate makes you more likely to be less successful.
Perhaps you're nodding in the abstract? Yes, of course you are. Yes, of course, hate is counterproductive in the abstract. You already know that. And yet--!
I would imagine that 99 people out of 100 reading have someone or something, somewhere, that makes their temperature rise and venom course through their veins when they think of it. Come, I won't name all the possibilities -- whether it be someone you were once intimate with, or some adversary perhaps that used an unfair position against you, or whether it be some cause that's hostile to everything you believe is right...
...whatever that is, whatever it is that gets your hackles up, your temperature up, and makes those stress toxins start flowing...
...can you bring it to mind?
...and could you realize that, if you can dismiss it, you'll be better served? Even if you choose to continue to fight?
I'm not saying forgive them! But dispense with that most useless and counterproductive of emotions, for your own good and for your success. Come, meditate on it for a moment and think of what you hate, then consider dispensing with it. A true man never hates, his rages and bad moods move like a passing electrical shock.
Haruki Murakami, the excellent Japanese novelist, wrote about the sign inside his Japanese gym. It was something like,
"Fat is easy to get and hard to lose. Muscle is hard to get and easy to lose. Such is life."
It's similar to another Japanese expression about money --
"Getting money is like digging in sand with a needle, spending it is like water soaking into sand."
I remember where I read the first quote -- it was reading "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running" in 2008, when I was in Barcelona and living near Placa Espania. At the time, I happened to be on a fantastic routine of waking up at 4:30AM, reading and eating in a little Spanish shop that served a fantastic Spanish egg/potato/vegetable omlette until my gym opened, spending a couple hours in the gym, and then working until dinner before sleeping early.
Lets start with apologizing for being away so long > .
Priorities. I always seem to get them wrong. What's more important - being happy in your present or being happy in your future? Being happy yourself or making others happy? Being successful or being content? Heart or mind?
It's difficult for me to say. And in what order should I prioritize the people in my life? My parents have for me what they can, loved me and scolded and tried to do what they think is best for me. But...does that give me an obligation to prioritize them over my own wishes? Or my friends or people I love? For one thing, I know my parents want me to have a very academic job where I make lots of money, which is all well but personally, I'd rather just go without the stress.
And they don't really like how I dress, I don't dress particularly scantily or anything, its just that I like wearing crop tops and they hate it. Something like this for me is easy to just conform to their wishes, after all, I understand their concerns.
They also have a very particular idea about who they want me to date or marry. Rich, clever, good job, etc. etc. and of course - Singhalese! Which errr...is not happening XD